Monster Evolution

When you’re a kid, it’s the monsters under the bed that threaten your every move.  Kids lie in bed and scream for mum, sure that to put a foot down on the floor is tantamount to slow and painful death.  Trapped in bed, the panic rises when help doesn’t instantly respond, so the screams get louder and louder until a floorboard creaks next door, signalling the approach of safety.

When you’re a kid, being trapped means not being able to go out to play until homework is finished, having to wait until everyone’s finished eating before you can leave the table, or being forced to help paint the living room skirting boards when it’s sunny outside during the school holidays.  It’s that feeling of double maths when you don’t really care what x equals, or whether Chaucer was actually a genius or just a little bit weird.  I remember sitting in A-level English lessons, bored out of my skull as I’d read the book already and everyone else was just too slow.  I’d stare out of the window in frustration, dying to be anywhere but there, writing crap lines of poetry on my book about ‘love’ and ‘life’ and, um, ‘clouds’.  I always thought to be an adult meant freedom; that I would finally get to live my own way, do what I wanted to do and go anywhere I wanted to go.

10 years on, I’ve been more places, I’ve got more scars and (hopefully) I have better dress sense.    I have a ‘good job’, ‘excellent qualifications’ and no plastic surgery (yet!).  All these are ticks next to the to-do-list of life’s achievements.

But in my mind I’m still sitting by the window, wondering what it will be like when i’m an adult, when I’ll get to go where I want to go and do what I want to do.   The feeling of anticipation never leaves of what excitement adult life will bring when it arrives.   My monsters have evolved to take the shape of debt-repayment, working for a living and moving to where the work is.  I do wonder how much of my childhood will be spent staring out of windows. 

I just hope my poetry improves!


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