Surviving London

I just took 2 hours to drive from Kingston to Black Heath. To those of you unfamiliar with London, that’s basically from South London to East London.  i.e.  not far.

People talk about London drivers and are often heard saying ‘I’d NEVER drive in London, you’d have to be suicidal to’.

Well, I LOVED it!!!

I quickly learned the rules of survival on London’s roads.  Here’s an easy step-by-step guide:

  1. Turn up music LOUD.  Purpose of this is to help block out the world outside your war-vehicle, therefore enabling an concentration on battle without interruption.  Suggestion: Daft Punk, however anything of large-beat will suffice.
  2. Focus straight ahead – never stray from this position.  It will only distract you from your task and show your vulnerability to passers-by/road-crossers/fellow road bargers.
  3. Ask assistance from TomTom – ensures path ahead is clearly mapped, therefore avoiding wavering/unsureity – signs of weakness.
  4. Paste manic grin on face.  Conveys apparent enjoyment of experience, therefore unnerving opponents who really aren’t enjoying their daily commute.
  5. Steer like you’ve never steered before. Only through weaving and barging will you secure your survival and leave your opponent for dust.

Do this.  Only this. And you will live.

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3 Responses to “Surviving London”

  1. Gary Wood Says:

    Good advice, how does this compare to Edinburgher?

  2. Nic Says:

    In Edinburgh you wouldn’t get far at all. You’d start driving then someone would start digging up the road and you’d have to give up and take the bus.

  3. Reluctant Blogger Says:

    Oh I’m glad I’m not the only one. I just love driving and particularly in London. It gives me a real buzz. I am not much cop in other cities as I get lost as I don’t know which direction all the outlying places are.

    And yes, I always play loud music – mostly to drown out the whining from my children, but it makes me braver too!

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